End of May Ramblings

I know I am becoming a horrible blogger!! I think this makes the second post in May... and no pictures. I am awful! We are all alive and well. I am now 6 months pregnant and dreading the summer. We are all officially out of school for the summer and yet things have not slowed down. We are putting in lots of hours helping Anna Li with her English and school. The first week away from school and she has learned how to spell the numbers one- ten. Next week is days of the week... it will be challenging! She understands almost all conversations but is not able to speak as much as she understands. She has some speech difficulties and gets stuck on words often. It is very frustrating for her but we practice daily and pray she can over come this. We continue to go to therapy once a month and it is very helpful for us all. We are still struggling with attachment and have a lot of set back. We take it one day at a time. She has an appointment with the Eye Foundation in July and we are looking forward to seeing Dr. Cogen. Anna Li has started a journal and spends time each day writing her thoughts down. I hope this will help her healing processes and at the same time give her some practice in writing English. She is learning small task around the house such as washing dishes, help with cooking, and sweeping. She loves the cooking part but gives me a hard time when it comes to the chores part:) She won a $50 Wal-Mart gift card from her school and so we went on a shopping spree. She bought several outfits, a paint set, the baby an outfit (how sweet of her), and some popcorn chicken from the deli:) She had lots of fun and did all the adding in her head to see how much she had left to spend. I think in the end she had about .94 left on the card. As for Bethany, she has finished the 4th grade. She is taking a gardening class with the local 4H club this summer as well as a cooking class. Colin has finished 3 year preschool and is happy as can be... as long as his buddy Luke is around to play.

Continue to remember us in prayer as we search for the right things that well help Anna Li grow into the girl she needs to be. Pray the school will understand her situation and treat it the way it should be. She will continue to be in the care of a lot of specialist as we try to understand the depth of her disabilities. Pray the Lord will guide us in the decisions we have to make regarding her health and education. Most importantly pray for Anna Li. If you see her you will see a huge smile and so many people think she is the happiest girl on earth but what they do not realize is that smile is covering a lot of pain. She struggles with stress, anxiety, and depression every minute of the day and the only way she knows how to deal with it is smile.

Lastly, I want to remind everyone that although Anna Li is a very loving and lovable child, extra attention such as hugs, gifts, and praise from others than her mom and dad create confusion, stress, and anxiety for Anna Li. We have so many that do not understand this, will not understand this, and refuse to cooperate with us. The easiest way for me to explain is: Anna Li has no concept of what a mother, a father, a grandparent, a friend, teacher, or stranger is. A hug from mom means nothing when everyone she meets gives her hugs. In her head that is just as common as a handshake. Anna Li is incapable of telling the difference in strangers and friend, good person and bad... and this can be scary! In order for her to develop healthy attachments she needs to be able to attach to her parents and for the first time in her life discover what LOVE is. She has been home 10 months and she does not know. To her love is someone that gives you a gift, or a hug, or is nice to you. If you hug her (in her mind) she loves you AND if you punish her for doing wrong then (in her mind) she no longer loves you. We try to tell her, the therapist tries to tell her, but it just doesn't seem to click in her head. I guess this is what happens when NO ONE ever hugs you, kisses you, or shows you love the first 12 years of your life. It is detrimental to her future and her well being to learn to attach in a healthy way. So, NO we are not being mean, and YES Anna Li understands this process. She knows she is not suppose to hug but everywhere she goes people are handing them out (with good intentions) like candy and she doesn't know how to deal with this. So, please, please, please... when we are out and about and you see Anna Li... a simple "Hi Anna Li" will do... then feel free to talk to the rest of us. Anna Li needs lots of attention and love right now but only from her parents. As she grows these strong bonds things will change and she can slowly reach out to others. Thanks for your understanding:)

Love,
The Grays

PS-- I am too tired to go back and proof read this so I hope it all makes sense. If you have kept up with me long enough you should be use to my ramblings:)